Wednesday, July 7, 2010

You can't have Hello without Goodbye

I'm writing this super early, but it's either do this: spill my heart out to an inanimate computer blog or cry....and I don't want to cry anymore.
K and I said our goodbyes to each other about 15 minutes ago. I've been in San Antonio for about 5 days. And a wonderful 5 days it has been.

I hate how fast the time goes when we are together. The times when we are apart just drag, but once we're together it's over before we know it. I'm already counting down to September, when he gets to come to Offutt and we won't be over 900 miles apart.

I won't lie. I cried when he left. Yes, I'm a pansy. Yes, I should be used to goodbyes by now, but I'm not. The closer we get to our wedding, the harder goodbyes seem to get. It just doesn't seem very fair--but life isn't fair.

I had good practice in "military" yesterday. The unit was told they would have a 24 hour mission yesterday (putting them home this morning and giving them all of today off), which would have been ideal because that would mean one more day with him before my flight leaves.
But in true military fashion, it was a farce--today is the 24 hour. Meaning I had to say my goodbyes far sooner than I wanted to or was ready to.

Does it get easier? To an extent, yes, I think it does, but it also gets harder. There are days when I feel selfish and wonder "when is it our turn?" But I know that time will come. I just need to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.

Last time we said goodbye, he was still in Florida. That one was incredibly hard. I cried, even while at the airport. And I think it's because I realized something: my home is no longer Omaha, or Nebraska, or school, or wherever. The only place I truly feel at home is wherever he is: whether that's in his truck, on base, at his apartment. Don't get my wrong, I love my family. I love going home to their house, but now, that's not my home. My family is there, but I am not complete there. I guess that's part of getting married....

I stayed with him last night, knowing each precious moment was one closer to him needing to report (at 5am!). My sweetheart is NOT a snuggler, but for some reason, last night he held me all night. I felt so secure, even though my heart was aching. I love him so much.

These last few days have been incredible. The moment I saw him, it was as if those 3 months apart never happened. It was as if he had never moved away. As if we had spent this last year together rather than apart. That's what I love about Hellos. For a moment, everything is right again.

We had so much fun this weekend. I met some wonderful people (and their lady friends). Thursday night when I got in we just hung around, it wasn't anything special....but on the same vein, it was special because K and I were together--and that is all that matters

Friday we went to Sea World and it poured :) At least we got wet at the right place. I had a terrible cold from last Tuesday through about Sunday, so that kinda put a damper on things, but we dealt :) That night, we went to a resaurant called something like Fogo de Chao--and I literally rolled out of there haha! It was delicious, and we had wonderful company of Ryan and Stephanie.

We saw the Riverwalk, went to Dave and Busters, saw a movie, went shopping (found out Konstantin's ring size haha) was a marvelous weekend.

Do I miss him already? More than you can even comprehend....but the one thing that gives me hope during the goodbyes is knowing that our next hello will be even sweeter than the last. Without the pain and sadness of goodbyes, we cannot comprehend the passion and beauty of the hellos.....

So if all goes according to plan, only 42 days until a hello. Only 42 days until I'm in his arms again. Only 42 days until I am home again.

1 comment:

  1. Kim, I'm so glad you posted on my blog, so that I could find yours! You know, Nathan and I have been married almost 12 years...and have had LOTS of hellos & goodbyes, and the goodbyes never get easier (guess that's what happens when 2 people actually like each other so much!! :)). While I wish there were never any goodbyes, knowing there will be a hello again makes the goodbye bearable. Feel free to cry...military wives, while the strongest of the strong, are still humans with feelings!!

    Anyway, it was so good to meet you, a few weeks ago, and I'm looking forward to seeing you at our guys' graduation! And even beyond...I'll enjoy keeping up with y'all, as you get married & start your life with Konstantin.