Monday, December 31, 2012

And all I know are blessings

Looking back at my last post, I am in awe of how quickly time has gone between that last post and today-the last day of 2012.  Parts of this pregnancy have seemed to drag on forever, but looking back, I feel like I just returned from our honeymoon and wasn't even aware of the little life growing inside of me.

As I look back over this last year, I notice one constant denominator: overwhelming blessings.  Don't get me wrong, there were some tough moments this year and some days when I was wondering how in the world I would figure out xyz problem.
But at the end of the day, I could sit back and recognize how the Lord's hand has been over us in every moment of this year.

Perhaps one of my favorite moments this year was our incredible honeymoon to Punta Cana in May.  K and I had never had the chance to go somewhere just us and with him being gone the majority of our first year of marriage, I was beginning to wonder if we would ever get to take a honeymoon at all.  What I find so funny is that I kept telling myself that as long as we were able to take our honeymoon before we had kids, it would be okay and we would have us time without added stress.
Little did I know how timing would work ironically in our favor.

We had so much fun during our trip.  The beaches were beautiful.  The relaxation was much needed.  We were able to connect in new ways uncluttered by stress of daily life, work and everything else that takes over our normal days.  It was also a huge blessing and opportunity for us to grow closer after having spent so much time apart the previous year.

It was so beautiful.  I hope to go back someday.

Shortly before taking our honeymoon, I had a conversation with a friend of mine.  We were talking about children (she has one little one) and we were talking about planning for them.  I remember telling her that, even though we weren't trying, I had a feeling that something would happen in 2012, although it was probably unlikely.

On our way home from our honeymoon, I kept having moments of what I like to call "God's way of preparing you for a life altering event".  We came home on Mother's Day and I remember boarding the plane and thinking "this is my last Mother's Day not being a mommy".  I remember walking through the metal detectors at the airport and thinking that I might need to be careful, just in case I was pregnant for some weird reason.
My husband and I even had a conversation about halfway through our honeymoon trip about what we would do and how we would feel if we ended up getting pregnant before it fell into our "master plan" timeline.
Looking back, I know this was God's way of mentally preparing me-the ultimate planner-for His wonderful and unexpected plan for us.

I really believe that God opened the door for us to take our honeymoon at the perfect time.  It was a chance for us to grow even closer as well as spend some us time together, especially knowing now that there won't be as much "us" time once Miss E arrives. 

We came home from our trip refreshed, renewed and closer than we have ever been.

Three days later, our world was turned upside down.

I think there are still moments where I am just shocked and in disbelief, even with my belly obviously pregnant and my little girl taking several rib-brusing kicks occasionally.  In the moment that I saw that plus sign, I remember breaking down in tears.  I wasn't mad or upset, but I was scared and shocked.  I am a master planner, afterall, and this was not in my current plan for the Gazaryan house.  I was certain that I had misread the test...but 9 pregnancy tests all said the same thing, and I knew that this wasn't a joke.

I don't think there is a way to adequately wrap your head around or prepare for being pregnant for the first time, regardless of if it was planned or not.  It's a surreal thing.  I still feel like myself (although much heavier) and still act like myself (except when I cry over not having any orange sherbert left in the freezer).  I still do the things I used to before I got pregnant (minus those big fruity drinks in sugar rimmed glasses). 
But at the same time, I'm also a mommy.
Wrapping my head around that is almost impossible.  There are days when I still feel like I'm 14 and now God has given us our own child.  What a humbling, terrifying and incredible thing!  Truthfully, I am overwhelmed with knowing that God has entrusted us to care for, raise, and nurture this little life.  What a privalege and what a responsibility!
I am so looking forward to the challenge!

We found out in September that we would be having a little princess.  Another huge surprise for me, considering I was beyond convinced that we were having a boy.  I cried when we found out and I think the poor ultrasound technician thought I was disappointed.  K reassured her that "she's only crying because she doesn't like to be wrong"....he knows me so well.

So our world has become overrun by pink and lace and flowers and hairbows.  Not that I mind a bit.  I think K is still adjusting to the girl-ifying that is happening in our house.  I'm anxiously awaiting the day he lets her paint his fingernails.

Just look at how cute she is

We make seriously adorable babies.

As we gear up knowing she will be making her arrival anytime between now (unlikely) and January 23 (more likely), I am anxious to meet her.  I wonder what her personality will be like.  I wonder who she will look like and whether or not all of the thumb sucking we've seen from her (every ultrasound since week 12) will continue out of the womb.  I marvel at what purpose the Lord has for her life and pray that I will be instrumental in helping her achieve those purposes.  I wonder if she will be a reader like mommy or an athlete like daddy.
I can't wait to meet our daughter.  I can't wait to be her mommy.

This year has truly been covered with blessings, some expected and some unexpected.  We were blessed that K did not have to deploy this year.  He had a few TDYs, but they were short and sweet (and the internet worked).  We really needed this year together, and I am so thankful that it worked out to have him home so long.  While we know he's leaving again in early 2013, having been able to spend the time together that we did this year is making that easier than it would have been otherwise.

I have officially been at my job for over a year.  This is another incredible blessing.  I know few people who can truly say they love their job and love going to work every day.  Even now, over a year after my first day, I am excited to go to work and enjoy what I do.  Coming from a semi recent college grad, I know it's rare to be in such a great career early on.

Another blessing was finishing my Master's degree.  I graduated in August and am simply thankful I never have to go back to school again if I don't want to.  It was a hard road (especially trying to get it done in one year) and I still laugh when I look back and realize that on my final day of classes, I was just starting my second trimester (hello tiredness) and in the process of moving!  I was going back and forth from loading boxes to taking a test!  Only with the Lord's strength....

We moved into our wonderful house in August.

I never realized how nice it was to have a backyard for the dogs until we finally had one!  I also love having the space to spread out and not feel so squished.

Yet another blessings has been the ease of my pregnancy.  I managed to avoid morning sickness and have been growing steadily but not excessively
Here's me about 2 weeks ago at 35 weeks.  Still pretty tiny, even though I don't feel it ha!
I have managed to avoid most of the unpleasant symptoms that comes with growing a baby up until this point.  Lately I have been extremely tired and my feet aren't exactly tiny anymore, however, knowing I am in the homestretch of meeting our little girl makes it all worth it--and an extra nap won't hurt anyone.

So looking ahead to 2013, what are my goals and what am I looking forward to?
I can't wait to meet our princess (I think I've said that a few times)
I can't wait to learn how to be a mommy to Miss E
I am looking forward to how the Lord is going to grow and stretch me during K's deployment as well as how He will use our time apart and strengthen our marriage even though we are on different continents.
I am looking forward to finding out whether or not we are moving this's still up in the air, but it's a potentially exciting time!
I am hoping to run a 5K this year...I had planned to do that in 2012, but 2 weeks before my scheduled race, a little blue plus sign changed my plans
So many friends and family are getting married this year, so that will be great fun!
My goal is to shower every day...seriously, I hear that's hard to do with a baby
My other goal is to make sure Miss E always has a bow in her hair--superficial? yes.  Adorable? absolutely.
My final goal is to invest in relationships.  I was blessed to meet many amazing friends this year and I want to nurture and grow those relationships in 2013. 

If you are still reading at this point, I applaud you.  I tend to ramble.
All in all, I just wanted to express how blessed I have felt over the course of 2012.  There have been many challenges and moments of personal growth but there have also been great outpourings of love, blessings and things to be thankful for that I never expected.


From our growing family to yours, Happy New Year! May you be blessed and filled with joy in 2013!