I’m only eleven days postpartum and have been aching since
day 1 to share the story of V’s birth with you.
Fair warning, this is a story about birth. If that’s not your thing, you
may want to skip today’s entry. This is
also long, as it is my attempt to capture everything I can about her birth
through the sometimes hazy fog of labor land.
PSA over.
Leading up to her birth, I spent a lot of time processing my
previous birth experience and working through my own disappointments. To be clear, I have no regrets from
E’sbirth, but it was still disappointing that I did not have the intervention-free
birth that I so desired due to the circumstances. The more I’ve talked with other women, I have
learned that you can experience these opposing emotions (extreme disappointment
and sheer joy, for example) simultaneously, and without guilt. Knowing that my
desire was for a natural, uninhibited, unmedicated birth, I did everything I
could to prepare myself mentally, physically and emotionally for what was to
come.
One big change that I made from my previous pregnancy was
being selective about with whom I discussed my desires for birth and which
stories I chose to listen to about birth.
It was important to me to protect my environment and only hear things
that would encourage me. I have been very blessed to be surrounded by a
wonderful community of doula friends and other childbirth-friendly peers who
raised me up rather than tore me down when I shared what my desires for V’s birth
were. This was huge…and I feel that by
protecting myself in this way, I prevented seeds of doubt being planted in my
own mind.
Part of why E’s birth was so long and difficult was due to
her positioning as she was posterior. I began preparing much sooner to help
ensure that my ligaments were allowing V to move into a good position. I
avoided sitting back against the couch, I saw my chiropractor faithfully and I
started seeing an acupuncturist at 37 weeks. I did exercises from
SpinningBabies. And I prayed. A lot.
Might seem silly to think I prayed about a baby’s positioning, but truly, the
Lord cares about “silly” things like that which make such a huge
difference. I spoke confidently and
claimed a beautiful and healing birth experience.
And I prayed some more.
I talked through my fears and concerns with my midwife team,
my doula and my husband, as well as with some trusted friends. As I approached my pregnancy being term,
there remained some fear, but I held to what I had claimed: this birth would be
different and I would regain faith in my body.
Part of the complication from E’s pregnancy was my high
blood pressure. What a relief it was
when I realized at my 37 week appointment that I was still in the normal range
and I walked out of the office NOT on bed rest.
I actually cried as I left that appointment. To me, it was a sign that reiterated that
this pregnancy was different. I never had
a high blood pressure reading this pregnancy. Not.Once. God is so good.
My midwife team does not check for dilation or effacement
before labor begins, and I was pleased about that. I began to experience some pretty intense
Braxton hicks late in my pregnancy, which excited me that my body was gearing
up for birth.
A day or so past my 39 week mark, I began having false labor
symptoms starting around 7pm in the evening.
I kept it to myself, as I didn’t want to excite anyone since, through my
doula work, I know labor patterns can come and go. I also didn’t have the “this is it”
feeling. True to my gut, they went away
that next morning right as E woke up. I
was tired, but encouraged that my body was doing something. The next night, the
same thing began. Perhaps this was it!
But in similar form to the night before, the contractions never went anywhere
beyond 5 minutes apart. Not painful
enough to be true labor, but not painless enough to sleep.
I was exhausted.
Trying not to sound too desperate, I called my
acupuncturistt hat morning (I was 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant). She had mentioned at our previous treatment
that if I ever felt like I needed to kick-start something that wasn’t going
anywhere, to call her. We had our
induction protocol (won’t throw you into labor, but encourages your body to
start the process soon) scheduled for the following Monday, which was only a
few days later. I asked whether it would
be possible for me to come in that day instead of Monday to see if we could
make these false labor pains move into something more. I believe my exact words were something like,
“Either make these do something, or make them go away so I can sleep”.
It was actually her day off, but she came in anyway, and at 3pm, I was
receiving treatment. Since her office is
housed within the same one as my midwives, after the appointment, she asked
whether it would be encouraging to me to know if my body was preparing for
labor. She was aware of some of my fears
and concerns, and knew that I still had doubts that my body was capable of
laboring without assistance. After some
thought, I agreed to my only cervical check thus far.
My midwife came and checked me after the acupuncture
appointment and declared that I was 3cm dilated and 70% effaced already! I was
shocked. Even after 12 hours of labor
with E, I hadn’t dilated even a fingertip! I had requested that my membranes
not be stripped, and my midwife honored my request. In fact, she said my cervix was so favorable,
that it wasn’t even necessary!
I left the office in high spirits and was given hugs by my midwife and
acupuncturist, both of whom said that I would likely be meeting my baby that
weekend.
True to my previous few days’ experiences, I began
contracting again shortly after dinnertime that evening. I started having bloody show (aren’t birth
terms just delicious?) right before supper, but I doubted anything significant
was going to happen yet. My friend who
was going to watch E during the birth even suggested having her sleep over just
in case. I thought about it and decided
to wait until I knew whether something was going to happen. K and I tucked E into bed and I decided
around 9 to go lay down myself in anticipation of another long night of
uncomfortable contractions and no baby.
I laid down and tried closing my eyes. It didn’t work, so, instead, I decided to
start timing them. They were completely irregular, ranging from 3 to 7 minutes
apart and lasting anywhere from 30 seconds to a minute long. Definitely not labor yet. My contractions prevented me from completely
relaxing, so I called my doula to let her know that I was contracting in a way
that was timeable, but not actually going anywhere. I did some exercises (cat/cow;
Miles circuit)
to encourage V to get into a favorable position and after a little while of
that, decided to lay down again.
It was around 10pm at this point, and I felt my eyes
drifting between each wave. I was almost
asleep when I felt a gush of fluid. My
eyes flew open. It can’t be!
At this point, my first thought was, “Please not again.”
My water broke earlywith E, so early that my body never went into labor on its own. In that moment of panic, I wrestled with my
fear of another birth like the last one.
It took me calming myself with a prayer to compose myself and get up to
go to the bathroom to confirm my suspicions.
True to my instincts, my waters had broken (and oh the mess this time!). I was
encouraged to see it was clear, which meant we didn’t need to hurry anywhere
and I expected that would be the case since my
previous birth was close to 30
hours long.
After padding myself with a towel (and waddling like a
penguin, ha!), I went out to the living room to tell K that it was time to take
E to the babysitters house. Just like
last time, he looked at me and said, “Are you sure it was your water breaking?”
“Yes, dear, quite sure. E needs to go to the sitters.”
So he loaded up our sweet girl and got her bags while I gave her one last kiss
as an only child. I got choked up as I
kissed her and realized how much our lives were going to change in the next day
or so.
As he got in the car, I told him to take his time, as we likely had all the
time in the world and didn’t need to head to the hospital quite yet.
After he left, I called my
midwife to let her know what was
going on. She ran through the list of
questions (was your water clear? What time did it break? Are you contracting?
Etc) and asked how I was feeling. I told
her I was fine, that I could still talk through contractions but really didn’t
want to. She said I could stay home as
long as I needed to, and I told her I expected it would be a while. Katie (the midwife) laughed and said, “Well,
if you start having contractions that you think to yourself wouldn’t be fun to
have in the car, start heading in….second time moms tend to go pretty quickly”.
Knowing that my midwife trusted me to know my body and come in when I felt it
was the right time was such an encouragement to me and such a positive way of
starting labor. There was no “you will do this” instruction, instead it was,
“when you feel…” It was a great reminder that I was capable and able to trust
my instincts.
I told her before I got off the phone that I’d call back if nothing happened in
12 hours since my contractions were all over the map as far as consistency and
length. As soon as I hung up the phone,
though, they started coming rapid fire. Three to three and a half minutes apart.
Forty seconds to over a minute long. Now wait a minute, that’s an active, progressive labor
pattern?!
I started gathering our things and bringing our bags to the
door. After about 45 minutes, I started checking my clock….where was my
husband? These contractions were getting very strong and very close together.
While I would love a home birth someday, today was not that day!
"But first, let me take a selfie..." Waiting on K to get back to the house-it was time to go!
He finally pulled in the garage (his GPS had taken him to
the wrong address!) at around 11:15pm and got out of the car. K walked in the house nice and easily, taking
his time just like his wife told him to.
Instead, he was greeted by his wife, bags in hand, saying, “We need to
go, now!”
Needless to say he hadn’t expected that and he quickly changed his clothes and
we loaded up to go.
I could sense at this point that I would need to focus if I
was going to achieve my goal of an unmedicated birth. My sweet husband kept trying to talk to me
during the half hour ride to the hospital and I finally just looked at him and
said, “Stop talking!” I apologized later for being harsh, but I did not appreciate his attempts at small talk at the time. I texted my doula, Josie, to let her know she could meet us at the hospital.
I had created several playlists of music to have available for labor depending
on what my mood would be. During the
ride to the hospital, I had my instrumental soundtrack playing and I kept
thinking to myself how silly I must look trying to crawl out of my seat with
each contraction while also mentally conducting the music (the beauty of being a music minor for my undergraduate studies is I over analyze music...proved to be a great distraction for me during the trip). I breathed, followed the music in my head and
held onto the “oh crap” handle of the car door for dear life during that drive
(of which, K almost took TWO wrong exits!). Katie was right, I was definitely
having contractions that I didn’t want to be having in the car! Even so, I felt
so calm and so in control. I loved that I had breaks between each wave where it
was as though nothing at all was happening. I was continually amazed at how our
bodies are designed to labor-it’s not a constant pain and you do get breaks.
We arrived at the hospital and made our way to the Labor
& Delivery floor. My wonderful
midwife had informed the receptionist that we would be coming and that my water
was broken. The receptionist could not
have been sweeter and she even filled out my paperwork for me before we even
got there so I wouldn’t have to break concentration. All I had to do was confirm the information was correct and sign my name at the bottom-much easier than trying to fill out paperwork myself! I so appreciated the entire hospital staff
going out of their way to ensure my environment was respected and undisrupted
during labor. Since my water was broken and it was apparent I was in labor, I
was able to bypass triage and was taken right back to my room. It was room #1, tucked away on the floor, and
I loved how private it felt! Since it was in the middle of the night on a
weekend, the floor was relatively slow as there were no inductions or cesareans
scheduled. It was incredibly peaceful.
A nurse passing by took a look at me and said, “You can’t be in labor! You look
too calm and too beautiful!” It reminded me of the Ina May quote about “if a
woman doesn’t look like a goddess in labor, something is wrong”. It was a great
little boost of confidence for me as I entered our labor room.
We got to our room and the receptionist who led us there
asked if I wanted to change or stay in my own clothes. Again, I was the one
calling the shots! It wasn’t a matter of “change into a gown and your nurse
will be in soon”, it was “are you more comfortable staying in your own clothes
or would you prefer a gown?”. I was very comfortable in what I was wearing, so
I opted to stay in my own clothes. (I had also brought a pretty green
PrettyPushers gown to wear, but alas, never did put it on) In between contractions, I
was able to get my things situated. My
doula was on her way and the nursing staff was getting prepped. My nurse walked in and asked me if I had a
birth plan. I did and I gave it to her. Knowing that there are often questions
that are asked of laboring moms (medical history, etc), I also wrote it all out
for her so I wouldn’t have to think too much during each wave. It was very
helpful and I’m glad I put that together beforehand! I’m all about easy.
In between contractions, just after we checked into our room. My very last V bump picture.
I walked around our room, iPod in hand, swaying with each
wave and reminding myself to breathe with each contraction. Josie arrived
shortly after we did, and it was a relief to know she was there. She knew my fears and hopes for this birth,
and I knew she was going to be a great support system for me and my
husband. Knowing she was covering our birth in prayer was such a comfort to me. Katie came in a few minutes
later. I was so happy to see her! She checked me shortly after midnight and I
was now 4cm dilated and 90% effaced! Progress! Not wanting to hinder me, she
said she would be back to check on me in a bit, but to keep doing what I was doing.
I was her only patient that night, and it felt good to know that she was
available if I needed her.
While I did my short baseline monitoring (I had intermittent
monitoring throughout labor instead of continuous), I got my hep lock placed
(instead of an IV) and got my wrist bands pointing out my allergies, stats and
‘fall risk’ status. Staying in bed during the contractions was the hardest
part, for sure, as I wanted to be up and moving! After a few minutes of trying
to sit back while getting a reading, my body decided, “Screw this” and before I
knew what I was even doing, I had gotten onto my hands and knees in the bed.
It’s absolutely amazing when you listen to your body’s cues during labor. I never had to think about what position to
be in, my body just led me there.
Thankfully, I had a birth team who supported the natural process of
labor and birth, and they worked with my body and instincts, rather than
against them. My nurse never acted inconvenienced when she had to reposition my monitors because I had moved. We finally got an
acceptable reading and you’d better believe I hopped out of that bed as fast as
I could.
I labored and walked around the room, leaning over the bed
with some waves, sinking to the floor with others. Katie came back in to check on me and saw
that I was in a very active pattern of progression and suggested getting in the
shower. Knowing how comforting water was
in my last birth, I quickly agreed.
Josie and Katie set up the bathroom while K got my music playlists
ready. I wandered my room a bit, slowly
making myself walk toward the bathroom where I could hear the sounds of music
and running water. I remember feeling so
peaceful and thinking to myself how calm everything felt. I slowly got undressed while the water
warmed. The lights were low and the only
sound was that of music that I chose. I
asked my husband to turn on the “Let’s have this baby-worship” soundtrack and I
finally got in the shower.
I remember Katie saying she was going to step out for a
little while and would be back soon to check on me. I can’t tell you exactly how long I was in
the shower. The water felt so good and I
stood under the stream for a long while, just allowing the water to cascade
over my shoulders and down my back as I continued to sway with the
contractions. The worship music played
in the background, and I lost myself in the melodies, singing along when I
could, listening in silence at other times.
There was no fear, there was no resistance. I was trusting my body and surrendering to
the process of birth-something I was unable to do with my first birth.
After a bit, I sat down on the chair in the shower, still
singing, still swaying, but allowing my body to rest. I remember the nurse saying it had been a
couple hours since we had me on the monitors and that we needed to get a
reading. I asked her whether there was a
hand held monitor available and there wasn’t, but she did step out and give me
a bit more time in my zone. I suppose
she recognized that I wasn’t in a position to move from my safe and comforting
space. Katie came back in at some point,
although being lost in ‘labor land’ I can’t tell you what time it was or how
long after the nurse had come in this occurred.
The contractions hurt, but in between them I was able to have
conversations and laugh with my doula and midwife. We talked about the music I had chosen, songs
I liked, K and my wedding day, doula life…and I kept saying how strange it was
that in between waves I felt perfectly normal and felt no pain. While I always tell clients that this is how
birth generally works when it is allowed to progress in its own time, I had
never experienced it for myself. Truly,
it put me in awe of how our bodies have been created.
Finally, Katie was able to coax me out of the shower for a
quick reading on the monitors. My
contractions were fairly close together and my body was shaking from the
hormone rush. Again, my knowledge from
working in the birth world was both a blessing and a curse because I looked at
Josie and said, “I’m shaking. I can’t possibly be this far along already!” Oh,
she was so gentle with me, and so encouraging.
She reassured me that yes, I was progressing beautifully and reminded me
to surrender to the process and trust my body to continue to move. Being out of the shower was hard, and I
begged Katie to check me before they hooked me up to the monitors. Since my waters were broken, she wasn’t keen
on it, but I insisted, as I felt like I needed to know if there was progress
being made. Much like the rest of my
experience, I was the one calling the shots.
I never had one cervical check that I did not request (my midwife even
tried to talk me out of one, but you don’t argue with a woman in labor). It was my birth, my body, my experience, and
I never once felt like that was being taken away from me.
As I was hooked up to the monitors, Katie checked me and I
was a good 5cm and a very soft 90% effaced.
Fantastic progress, I thought! Although the contractions were much more
difficult to cope with as I laid in the bed waiting to get good reactive strip
readings from V. Katie had me drinking a
lot of water. Josie rubbed my back and put counter pressure on my hips and
tailbone. My sweet husband held my hand and made sure I had the music playing
that had been so comforting to me thus far. In the grand scheme, I was probably
only on the monitors for a half hour at most, but it felt like an eternity. The
logical side of my brain knew that the first 5-6 centimeters of dilation take
the longest, so I knew I was well on my way to meeting V, but the emotional
side of me got very overwhelmed at this point and I started to cry quietly.
This was the first time I doubted my ability to achieve the birth I so longed
for. My birth team was so reassuring,
wiping the tears from my eyes, brushing my hair from my face. Looking back,
this emotional release can be vital to the birth process, but in the moment, my
mind was overwhelmed and it took me a few minutes to compose myself back to the
task at hand.
After what felt like an eternity, I was finally able to go
back to my lovely shower. The moment I
felt the water hit my skin, I found my rhythm once more. Katie did not leave at this point, and I had
my whole village there, quietly cheering me on and protecting my laboring
space. Again, we worshiped, I swayed, we
talked between contractions at times.
There was so much peace and reverence in that bathroom, I wish I could
have captured it so I will always know that feeling. To work to bring my daughter into this world,
singing praise to the Creator who gave her to me, was by far one of the most
spiritually deep moments in my life thus far.
Even my midwife and doula would occasionally join me in singing. It was
beautiful and it was perfect.
My wonderful husband was faithful to make sure I stayed
hydrated. He was so doting and caring.
Even though he was quiet throughout my labor, having him there as my rock, the
leader of our home, meant the world to me. I was so thankful that he was able
to be there for the birth.
It was around this time that I experienced another
remarkable aspect of labor unhindered and unmasked. I began to experience a feeling in my hips as
though they were spreading apart from one another, trying to split
themselves. It was not painful, but it
was incredibly intense. I looked at Josie
and exclaimed that my hips were going to break apart and she had me explain
what I meant. Both women looked at me
and said, “that’s V dropping into your hips and your body is opening for her”.
To experience so vividly how our bodies are able to accommodate and acclimate
to birthing our children was a remarkable and unforgettable moment. I have ‘birthing hips’ because my body knows
how to birth, not because they are a certain width of narrow or wide.
Incredible.
I was so lost in my world of laboring, that I started
talking less, although I kept singing off and on. Josie and Katie (and possibly
K, but I can’t be certain) talked quietly and I had to laugh to myself as I
caught snippets of their conversation. I
distinctly remember Katie commenting on how fantastic my hair looked, even
though I was in labor and I was in the shower. I found it incredibly amusing. I
was going back and forth between standing and sitting, and Josie was excellent
at reminding me to keep moving and not tensing up.
It was time for me to get out again, and again, I held to
the bars in the bathroom, now fighting waves of nausea and again fighting the
logical side of me versus the laboring side of me. I had to remind myself that
this was all normal and I had to embrace whatever my body was doing rather than
fighting against it. For the first time,
I looked at my birth team and said, “I can’t do this”. As we walked back into
the room to get the monitors hooked up, they all responded with “but you are
doing it.”
and I was doing it.
While this session of monitoring didn’t take as long as the
previous one, I was hitting the point of “I can’t do this. This is too hard.”
Now I will say, that in between contractions, I was still just fine. My
contractions were just coming very quickly at this point, and while it never
felt impossible to get through, it was definitely hard work! Again, I asked Katie to
check me. Again, she wasn’t a fan, but agreed since I was asking. 7cm. Josie
looked at me and said, “What does 7cm mean?”
“Transition,” I replied.
“And what does transition mean?”, she asked.
“The hardest, but fasted part.”
“Exactly. You’re doing an amazing job. You’re almost done.”
She was able to bridge that gap for me between logic and the emotions of the
moment. My Type A personality needed
that reminder of what was actually happening so my emotional side could process
what my body was doing. It was exactly what I needed and it was the bolster
that got me through.
At this point, I thought I would be loud, as many women tend to be very vocal
in labor. I was not, which surprised me. I stayed calm and instead retreated
into myself to focus my energy on what was needed in that moment. I felt
powerful and vulnerable all at the same time.
I was back in the shower shortly thereafter. It wasn’t long
until I couldn’t find a position that was comfortable. I leaned against the bars in the shower, sat
down, squatted, leaned on all fours. Every position I tried was uncomfortable.
Each wave was more intense than the last, but, I thought to myself, I was doing
this. My body knew what it was doing, and I had to trust the process. I don’t think I was in the shower very long
at this point when my midwife recognized the telltale signs of a woman nearing
the end of labor. Bringing me some warm
blankets so I could dry off, she gently suggested we start heading back into
the room, as baby would be joining us soon.
Once the shower was turned off and I was back in the actual
room, I continued to sway and rock with my contractions. I leaned against the bed, squatting on the
floor and swinging my hips, dancing my baby girl down. At my request once again, Katie checked me
since I was starting to feel a lot of pressure.
9cm and very soft and stretchy.
She said that I would likely push through the last centimeter if I pushed
with my contractions gently with how stretchy I was, and she encouraged me to
follow whatever my body was telling me to do.
With the next wave, I gave a halfhearted push against
it. It hurt! But at the same time, it
felt like I was doing something, as though I was helping my body. I was still kneeling on the floor next to the
bed, and Josie asked whether I’d be more comfortable in the same position in
the bed so my knees would have some cushion.
I got into the bed and my team set it up so I could lean against the
back of the bed (which had been placed upright) and kneel. I vaguely recall the nurse and my midwife
setting up the delivery table. There was some quiet tapping at the keyboard
next to me. A hand gently placing a monitor on my belly to quickly catch a
heartbeat so as not to disturb me. Katie’s voice quietly asking if I was
comfortable pushing in this position and me nodding without even needing to
think about it. I was getting so close, I knew it. And then, the overwhelming sense of needing
to bear down washed over me.
I had experienced this same sensation on a much smaller
scale with my first child, and women speak of their bodies completely taking
over when it comes time to push, but words cannot convey how much your body
takes over. There had been a quiet
stillness only moments before and suddenly, I heard myself saying, “Katie, I’m
pushing!”
It felt so good to push. Again, I experienced the incredible
sensation of baby and mom working together in birth. I felt her drop low, felt her rotate inside
of me. We were doing this, together. I
heard someone (I think it was the midwife) say, “Oh she’s making great
progress!” and then suddenly, “Kim, slow down!”
“I can’t!” I responded. The urge was too overwhelming.
Katie and Josie talked me through short pushing, reminding me to breathe.
Reminding me to let my body stretch.
Another big push. And I heard Katie say, “We have a dystocia.”
In this moment, I was thankful for my knowledge of birth.
Shoulder dystocias can be a big problem if not resolved quickly. There are several ways to handle them, and
unfortunately, I was already in the position that is frequently used to solve
them. Another option was to have me flip on my back and pull my legs way back
to open my pelvis as far as possible. I needed no explanation, I just said, “Do
you need me on my back?” I truly believe this is part of the reason it was
fixed so fast. On my back I went (with V’s head partially out of me! That was a
fun maneuver to make), I grabbed my knees and silently said a quick prayer that
the Lord would protect my baby girl and then I pushed with everything in me.
I felt the ring of fire that so many talk about, but it
wasn’t the painful burning that it’s frequently described as-it was just an
intensity. Before I knew it, my little girl’s head was out, followed
immediately by those naughty shoulders that could have caused so many problems.
It was 5:20am. V had a double
nuchalcord (cord wrapped around the neck twice), which normally wouldn’t be cause for
concern, but it part of the reason we suspect that she dropped down at a funny
angle, causing the dystocia. V was incredibly stunned upon entering the world,
and Katie recognized that she needed a kickstart. She quickly cut her cord and had her with the
nurses. V’s one minute
APGAR score was a
4. Stunned was putting it mildly. I was
able to see her only a few feet from me as they worked on her, tiny oxygen mask
pressed to her face, nurses hands rubbing her chest and hands. In this moment, looking back, I should have
felt worry or concern, but I only felt peace. I knew my daughter was going to
be okay. Just like my labor, I had no fear, only trust and peace.
Wonderful nurses working to get V back to where she needed to be. What a relief when she finally came around!
After a couple of minutes, my little girl woke up and let
out a huge scream. Oh, she was angry! Hearing her cry was a beautiful thing and
a reassurance that she was going to be okay.
The nurse asked whether they needed to call the NICU team down, and
after assessing her, they determined it wasn’t necessary (her 5 and 10 minute
APGARs were both 9s, she recovered beautifully). As soon as they confirmed she was adapting on
her own (and the longest 5-10 minutes of my life), my precious V was placed on
my chest. Nothing in this world compares to that hormone rush. That sudden
realization that I did, in fact, have the healing, natural birth experience I
so needed hit me shortly thereafter and I looked at my birth team and just kept
saying, “I did it! I did it!”
Holding V for the first time. This is bliss.
Sharing the moment with daddy-our second princess has arrived!
V latched immediately and we began nursing (which she has yet to stop, this
child eats constantly). She was alert, she was able to nurse without issue, she
was content in my arms. Josie was on one side of me, my husband on the
other. I looked at them and said, “I did
it! My body isn’t broken afterall.”
V latching like an old pro--and her very purple face from coming out so quickly!
You see, for the last two years, I have questioned my body’s
ability to give birth without help. I
never dilated on my own with E. I ended up needing an epidural so my body could
relax enough to continue dilating on Pitocin (for the record, Pitocin and/or
epidurals are not a bad thing! They are fantastic tools that can be very helpful in the right circumstances!). To
fully realize that I was actually able to progress without help and cope
without medication was incredibly overwhelming.
Telling Katie, "I did it! I did it!"
The moment was beautiful. My labor had been as close to
perfect as I ever could ask for.
I did end up having some pretty severe bleeding about a half
hour after delivery. I won’t go into details of that here, but I am incredibly
thankful for a fast-acting care team and am also thankful that I did chose to
give birth in a hospital for this baby. Quite a bit of intervention was needed
to get things under control, but again, even under those circumstances, I was
at complete peace. There was never any fear and I trusted my midwife and nurses
to take care of me in the best way possible. Thankfully, it was resolved, but I
could sense that everyone was very concerned at the time.
My "village" that was so vital in protecting my labor space and helping me have the birth I dreamed of for so long!
So there you have it, the beautiful, peaceful, healing birth
of V. To think that birth can be so
calm, to experience that level of peace….it’s indescribable. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to convey
exactly what this birth was like for me in a way that others will understand. I felt protected, respected and nurtured. I
was safe. I truly believe that God hand picked each and every person that was
at V’s delivery. I can’t imagine a better group of people there. The entire
labor was less than 8 hours long compared to my almost 30 hours with my first
child. I was only in the hospital for 5 hours and 20 minutes, although I had to
go back and confirm, since there’s no true sense of time when you’re in
labor. V was 8 pounds 3 ounces. I had no
tearing or complications (other than the bleeding, but I figure that my labor
was so straightforward, that my body had to throw some sort of wrench in the
party). My recovery has been leaps and bounds easier than my first delivery. It's been amazing!
I am still in awe of the whole experience. When I say I
can’t imagine it any more perfect, I truly mean it. To walk through something
that so many fear, or that so many associate with pain or drama, without any
fear and with complete peace was such a blessing. The greatest take aways, other than the
obvious, that I have from this experience is the vital importance of feeling
safe and respected in birth and the importance of releasing any fear or baggage
that might hinder you. The healing that
took place throughout V’s birth was exactly what I needed. To know I can give
birth in the way I was created to was something I did for me and for V. I
didn’t need accolades, I didn’t need the gold star or a pat on the back, I just
needed to do this for us. And it was perfect, it was beautiful, it was
surrounded with peace.
and I am forever transformed by the experience.
The year began far
different than we ever imagined as we transitioned to the civilian world after
ending our time with K on Active Duty.
We have adjusted to living back in our home state and it has been
such a joy being so close to family. It’s
hard to believe we have been away from military life for almost a year and we
definitely miss the community and comradre that it provided. We are finding our niche here, however, and
finding places to connect in our new environment. We absolutely love our church, Waypoint and cherish the friendships old and new that surround us.
Peanut is bright,
busy, and full of life. She is quick to
let you know that her favorite color is purple and her favorite princess is
Cinderella. It is hard to believe that
she will be 3 next week. She
has a tender heart and loves her little sister with every fiber of her being. She enjoys going to the babysitter’s house
three days a week and playing with her best friend, Z. You will often find Peanut singing, dancing,
crafting, or playing with her dolls…usually without pants on (we’re working on
that). She loves Sunday school and has recently started learning how to memorize Bible verses. We are so proud of our sweet peanut!
Nugget is our calm and
quiet little lady. Usually found with
her fingers in her mouth, she’s often content to observe the fun around
her. Now that she is walking, she’s
becoming braver to venture out beyond mommy’s sight, but she’s always certain
to come back. She will likely be quite
independent in time. She loves to read
and will often plop herself in a corner with a book unprompted. She adores her big sister and also adores
driving her crazy. Nugget may be tiny,
but she’s capable of shenanigans I never imagined. She had tubes placed in early December after
countless ear infections and now, because she can finally hear, is starting to
talk! Like every good toddler, “no” is her favorite word with “hi” not too far
behind. She loves to dance and was absolutely thrilled when she started sharing her bedroom with big sister earlier this month.
Kim (me) is quite the expert at “worst timing ever” and, as
such, decided to start nursing school this fall. She is attending Nebraska Methodist College
and completed her first semester with a perfect 4.0! She is hoping to get into summer clinical so
she can graduate in three years, but will graduate with her BSN no later than
2019 if all goes according to plan. In
addition to nursing school, she also works part time at a local non-profit as a
breastfeeding educator. She is
continuing her doula work and her volunteer work with Babywearing International,
just on a much smaller scale than in previous years. Kim is thankful for all the remarkable people
who have helped her with the girls over the last year as she found her balance
between work, school, and motherhood.
She is also thankful for coffee (and yes, she did dress up the whole family as Doctor Who characters for Halloween). 
